I been thinking lately, and I’ve caught myself wondering about this whole concept of love. See, I reached a rather strange point in my past few years. I accepted that there may just not be marriage and love in my future. When I say I accepted this, I mean truly accepted this notion. I prayed and cried until finally this longing no longer consumed me for love and a family of my own. I had dreamed since I could remember of this happy, in love, and committed relationship with a best friend. I had dreamed of being a mother and filling this emptiness I had. It’s said I may not get the chance to biologically have children and after years of trying with an ex, I believe that is likely the case. So, back to my thinking—I have been so hurt over the past decade that I truly couldn’t say I had the energy for more investments to someone unevenly again. After years single, I have caught myself back into the dating scene here and there…Each time for short lived hopes and a sting of pain. I began wondering if maybe I was better off not even opening up to the love idea. It just seems evertime I have no interest,BAM—here comes feelings! So, I wondered if maybe…I may…just maybe…be blessed with the love I give, oneday. Half-heartedly I began researching the topic of love after being told something by a friend. He said that he may give third love a chance. I honestly figured he’d pulled this out of thin air or his loved ones had comforting his broken heart…Turns out, it’s a real theory!
So, I read numerous articles, talked to people,and dug deep within myself…..
Here is what I’ve gathered: Scientists have actually studied this whole love concept themselves. I wonder if due to heartbreak themselves..I’m sure it’s different for each. Well, a anthropologist by the name of Helen Fisher has established a theory that is called, “Three Loves Theory”. This theory suggests we get three loves in our lifetime. Each love we have before getting to the greatest love is for a purpose or several. She spent decades on her research aiming to understand the cognitive neurobiologically processes ;underlying attraction and love anotherwords. The loves she has named lust, passion,and commitment. She gives first loves the title of lust. This love is instinctual and driven by our natural desires to reproduce, she claims. This first love is more about how others see us and possibly lustful. The second love is the passion love, she notes. This love Helen Fisher basically regards as a intense emotional connection. It is fueled by chemistry however, logic isn’t used as often. It is the love where people get married with barely knowing each other but a few months. As romantic as it may seem, the newness wears off slowly and usually around six months to a year. If there is not serious compatibility, similar values, morals, efforts,and commitment, this love will be the most painful loss.
Helen Fisher calls our third love the commitment love. This love is when two people remain in long term passion, compatibility, share life experiences, have friendship within the relationship, and both emotionally accept and love each other. This love is unlike the passion love because the acceptance is so beautiful that the persons past and flaws don’t even matter or tamper the feeligs. Other researchers have shared similar believes and with few variations.
The third love is the everlasting love and the most pure of them all. It keeps knocking even if we run. It often feels it is just right however it looks so wrong. It comes so easily when we aren’t fighting it. It is an unexplained connection to another human. It is acceptance and truly shakes our entire being to the core. It doesn’t follow rules. It just is another being who we are drawn to. It is a person who cares about who we are and what we want in life. It is a sacrificing love. With this person, we just feel at home. It’s not what we pictured for ourselves and maybe not our normal type. There is attraction and passion. Deep down, we just know…..
Some survival tools for lasting love :
Firstly, mututal respect is a must.
Communication is strong and any shortcomings need worked on..(but they are willing–)
Faith in each other is a must.
Trust is needed and respecting that trust.
Acceptance is so beautiful and is a need. (without judgement)
Have seperate lives. (Guy time is good and so is gal time.)
Spend quality time together.
Compromise with your lover.
Share common goals/
Intimacy is craved and kept alive for success!
Effort must be by BOTH.
Be a friendship on fire!
*Commitment should be 1-3 yrs.*