After many heartaches of past relationships, I’ve came up with a theory.
See, I’ve noticed the idea of forever with me has been appealing (according words)….Yet,after a few heartaches I’ve come to this—
There is Home….Then there is Paradise…
I refer to myself as paradise…
I dated a guy on/off for many years who would be with me for around six months then go back to and ex…and the cycle went on..He proposed marriage. He said I was the one…
Yet, often his attempts to swoon me often turned to sexual remarks and although I was glad he had our sexual experiences high, I couldn’t help but wonder about his true feelings.
We had years of history yet he always returned to her…or searched for more in another conquest which he’d never commit to at all beyond a sexual fling that he seemed to get bored with quickly.
When he’d return to this other female (who unlike me, produced kids with him getting pregnant in the first month or two..) he’d play a role of a partner by working harder I felt…
He was facebook official, maintained a job, and even was active in the roles of dad.
Yet, no matter the time that passed, he’d continue to message or call every few months wanting to come back to me…
I began to feel like a vacation spot…And then it hit me.
I was a dream until I was all his and only his.
I was a chase. I was that adrenaline rush of sexual gratification. I was the one who he wished he could fall for and I was his “best” as he often told others. He’d tell me this too. Yes, our sex was the best for sure but, he was more than that to me..
I was the girl his friends loved and most tried to get once we broke up.
I was his paradise.
It’s like how people dream and look forward to a vacation. It’s so much better in so many ways then regular life….yet, we always eventually wanna go home. She was his home.
This feeling of being paradise didn’t come from just this one relationship but that was the biggest dagger in the heart. I had once dreamed of the possibilities with this guy. This guy who had me like noone else ever could….yet I was not home nor would I ever be.
I think I was paradise to a couple others before I began to try to dig deeply…Why was I not home?
I was/am a great woman with lots to offer…yet—-just paradise…
I’m still on this journey discovering why….
Some of us are a dream/vacation/paradise…..
Some lucky gals are home…
I wonder does this ring true to others?
Are you paradise or home?
What about for vica versa—males feel like it is same for some guys?
Let me in on your views!