Dating after a major heartbreak can be scary! I personally am at this very point myself. It’s been three years since I ended a very long relationship with a man I would of spent my life with if he would of loved me right . After three years of healing and growing as a person , I’m finally ready to try this love thing again . I’ve got scars that were deep cuts gashed open repeatedly during previous years. I have been proposed to and forgotten about. Least it felt that way. I’ve been cheated on. I’ve been in violent relationships with a heart breaking . I’ve dated feeling so alone that I’ve cried myself to sleep every night . I’ve had my feelings dismissed and I’ve dealt with some real cold men or least men who didn’t appreciated the amazing woman I am. I know I’m a rare find and it’s been a healing journey these past few years but as I sit here entering a new relationship, I catch a lump in my throat. I won’t be controlled by this fear. I am beginning a relationship with a clean slate. I’m going into this without any expectations but hope it works out for what’s best for us both. I’m smiling at his messages every morning and night like a school girl. I laugh so hard when we are together and we truly love alot of the same things . He’s sweet as it gets and his heart is on his sleeve, I can tell. I appreciate this refreshing opportunity to love again if it’s meant to be. I’m grateful he’s not abusive and he’s not bad on the eyes either . Haha So, as I begin a new life adventure with a new man, I want to pass along some helpful information in hopes you single jaded ladies and gents , can find love again …..
Do know who you are first.
Do not jump from one relationship to the next.
Every single breakup whether a day fling or a decade commitment, deserves healing.
Longer the love affair, the more time ya need.
Work on you first.
You not only need to heal, but learn about the new person ya are.
Love yourself first…
Only when you are ready….
Never ever before ….
Have a life 💯
So often people let all their day and thoughts be consumed with fantasies of forever or just the other new possible mate or mates . I’m not saying that ya should never think of people ya got a thing for, just don’t be consumed .
When ya get official they are not going to stay if they feel smothered. Go out with friends without them. Go do something for you alone. Work. Pick up hobbies. Just don’t loose out on your life by consuming yourself with another person. It backfires every time ya do get to a point where you schedule lunch to talk and turn down friends for a call is coming and ya have to have signal.
People are drawn to exciting and fun people ….hence have a life type people (haha)
Do communicate your feelings and thoughts appropriately. Another way of saying this, talk about what bothers you…ya like..and don’t be a broken record. People who value you, hear the first time or two. They don’t need twenty times of it.
Accept they are different people so they will have different needs and wants.
I require quality time with my partner. So, a person with me has to be willing to spend a great deal of time together and especially alone time with him is a biggie. This doesn’t mean I want twenty four seven attention. I like space and time with friends without my lover too.
Group dates are important for observing how well they fit your life and people . Are they interacting ? Too flirty? Do a group date or two and see once you begin to think steady thoughts…
Don’t rush to call it official. Now, this means date around until official. See options and learn about your wants and needs. This doesn’t mean to sex them all or any while you are not committed (seriously advise no sex if ya are serious here)…
Don’t lie about your intentions. People are more likely to accept your call if you are forward about that which you seek.
Observe them…do do do…
Are they dependable?
Don’t judge too harshly. We all can get nervous and we all have made mistakes.
Watch for red flags…do this realistically or if you can’t , ask others honest views of the people or person . Take it in and examine the feedback for accuracy.
Don’t choose someone based on family or friends opinions only. Another way of saying if ya don’t dig em, don’t pretend to.
Do watch them with same sex as well as the other sex. Do they not get along with other males or females?
Do know things basic at first and as it goes on learn bigger stuff before officially being involved as steady Lovers .
Opinion on gay marriage-not basic
Opinion on abortion-not basic
I have learned to drop men quickly after signs that are biggies for me…flaky men are a sign of many things and none usually good so this in a pattern is a bye bye for me. Men who try to be controlling to a level of craziness, I know leads to abusive relationships so I let it go. I say to a level of craziness because if he is trying stop you hanging with an ex alone then duh ,you’re wrong. If he wants receipts for all stops to account for four hrs being gone, run.
Another key do is do own up to your own sh**. I mean if you wanna speak on exs or currents and say he or she did this and said that …and never you in the wrong in these explanations for past failed relationships or addressing current dilemma’s, you ain’t being real with others . You may be in denial to yourself even which would mean no dating should be allowed as ya ain’t ready. One fact to know is, never is only one wrong in a relationship with two people over any small time frame or large. I have had five years to own my own crap on and twenty four hrs official. It didn’t mean that I was not worthy of love or evil when I wronged, but it showed readiness to be committed and mature enough to own up. To love another person, you need to accept yourself fully. This is the good and bad parts of you….darkness…light..however ya see you but better this is all based on fact with complete honesty …Sooooo …own past and present dirt. Do this now and always.
Don’t expect a mind reader in the relationship as never will he or she read it. You don’t get the right to be angry for things ya don’t let known. Ya don’t get this right aimed at another I should say ellaborating . If I don’t ask for help with groceries then I’m not allowed to throw a fit later because I drop my eggs with hands full of bags.
Do use I verses you statements ….
” I feel”
Don’t string one along for a choice if the current fails when ya date around or commit. Stringing is when ya got first pick and refuse let second choice go on to find their match. It’s not okay and if they are not the first pick when dating around before official committed relationships, let any below in choices go.
So, three dates each and ya like second dated best after the three each, let other person go.
When commitment is agreed on then no person should be on the table to string along but just know if another has your eye, ya aren’t being fair to anyone. Also, you aren’t ready because a person of value, has self esteem stopping them here.( Explain this another time note )
So, summary of my do and don’t ramblings, do own up and do be honest with yourself and others. Do know your value. Don’t string along people and don’t expect mind reading. Do allow healing before jumping into new commitments or dating at all. Don’t toy with others emotions and be honest about your intentions. If you want sex, don’t lie saying you want a relationship.